What should a Christian man look for when pursuing a wife. For starters, one needs to look well beyond physical attributes that appeal to the eyes and arouse the flesh. This is an area that must be moved beyond for a relationship to work. Though most desires to meet a woman starts out with the sense of physical attractiveness and the eye candy that 'comes with the package', the beauty is exactly like the old saying where it is really 'skin deep'. The analysis and determination of real beauty within a woman should be measured by what constitutes the heart of the woman and not what constitutes the skin of the woman. Even though physical beauty is a small minute part of what constitutes the qualities of a woman, there must be something deeper with a firm foundation established in order for a relationship to work. There must be some compatibility between the man and woman concerning interests, hobbies, values, beliefs, etc. The ultimate and basic compatibility that needs to be established between a single Christian man who meets a single woman is the issue of Christianity and Christ as the central focus in their lives. It is a very unwise urge for a single Christian man to date and establish relationship for the purpose of possible marriage with an unsaved woman. It just does not work because further down the road, the clashing of core values come into play when handling personal issues and especially in the realm of pre-marital sex where the unsaved woman wants sex no matter what and the saved man wants sex in his flesh, but knows deep down that he must say NO!. It is not the beauty of the woman that must be conquered to establish a relationship, it is the heart of the woman that must be conquered and opened up by the woman to the man in trust and in faith.

Without the common ground of Christ working within the lives of the man and woman, the relationship will not be as deeply grounded as it should be. I have met many Christian men that have had better 'results' dating unsaved women than saved women in reference to just getting a date. However, further down the road in the relationship, the core values came to a clash. In many cases, either the man fell to the seduction and sold out his morals or held on to his morals and paid a price to end up blessed in the long run. Even in Christian relationships where the man and wife attend different fellowships of slightly different theological beliefs, the common core value must somewhere be established either before the marriage proposal is asked or during marriage counseling of where the couple will attend church, fellowship with, and submit to the leadership. If this can not be resolved and the action plan implemented successfully, then issues of marital submission, control, and other issues tied to the core will explode and seriously impair or even damage the relationship or marital covenant.

I, as a single Christian man, have experienced the stress and frustration of attempting to date single Christian women. I admit, I am not the most attractive, wealthy, muscular, etc. single guy in the Christian universe. I have had to endure the common barrage of excuses and rejection from Christian women for not dating me with everything from:

• 'I have to paint my toenails for Jesus'
• 'I have bible Study every night this week and every week thereafter'
• 'I don't date per Joshua Harris and you are a sexual deviate for even asking me for a date'
• 'No, not this Saturday, call me later (and you do and get lost in the world of answer machines, voice mail, caller ID, etc. to never receive a phone call back even after leaving a message)'
• 'I have to attend my Proverbs 31 discipleship classes this Tuesday, the Proverbs 31 slumber party this Friday, the Proverbs 31 prayer meeting next Wednesday, choir practice this Thursday, nursery duty this Sunday, get my Women of Love makeover next Monday, go to a Christian women's convention on the week of the 15th, help sell doughnuts for the youth group Saturday, volunteer at the Christian women's shelter Sunday evening, attend the Women in Christ tupperware party in three weeks...(yada, yada, yada, and this comes from the same Christian single woman who tells her other single Christian female friends that 'she wants a man' but when a single Christian man asks her out, makes excuse after excuse and refuses to give him the time of day)

What should a single Christian man look for in his pursuit of a single Christian woman? Well the obvious and logical first thing to look for should be that the Christian woman is single. If a Christian woman is married, do not even attempt to break up that marriage by an extramarital affair to turn a married Christian woman into a single Christian woman. Respect the marital covenant she is in and leave it intact. If the woman is separated from her husband, do not get intimately involved with her and encourage her if possible to reconcile with her husband to restore the marriage. If the marriage is irreconcilable and ends up in divorce by their mutual choice with no outside interference from you, let her have the space to heal and recover and be gentle. If she decides to love you, she will approach you and the love will naturally flow out.

The second thing that should be considered is that the potential candidate for a wife should be Christian. In earlier paragraphs of this article, I have already discussed why your future wife should be Christian and why if a relationship turns into marriage that the choice of church is critical to the relationship. She does not have to at the time you meet her attend your specific fellowship. You do not really have to meet her for the first time at 'church' contrary to many Christian fables that the only place to meet a mate is at church. You may meet her at a music concert, the store, a restaurunt, a get together or some other place. Just because you meet her for the first time outside the church does not lessen the chances of a relationship developing into possible marriage. Neither does meeting her for the first time at church increase the chances of a relationship developing into possible marriage.

We need to look in the Bible to see what qualities a wife should possess. There are many women's ministries that emphasize the qualities that Solomon wrote about Bathsheeba in Proverbs 31:10-31 where it states:

"10 Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. 11The heart of her husband safely trusts her; So he will have no lack of gain. 12She does him good and not evil All the days of her life. 13She seeks wool and flax, And willingly works with her hands. 14She is like the merchant ships, She brings her food from afar. 15She also rises while it is yet night, And provides food for her household, And a portion for her maidservants. 16She considers a field and buys it; From her profits she plants a vineyard. 17She girds herself with strength, And strengthens her arms. 18She perceives that her merchandise is good, And her lamp does not go out by night. 19She stretches out her hands to the distaff, And her hand holds the spindle. 20She extends her hand to the poor, Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. 21She is not afraid of snow for her household, For all her household is clothed with scarlet. 22She makes tapestry for herself; Her clothing is fine linen and purple. 23Her husband is known in the gates, When he sits among the elders of the land. 24She makes linen garments and sells them, And supplies sashes for the merchants. 25Strength and honor are her clothing; She shall rejoice in time to come. 26She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness. 27She watches over the ways of her household, And does not eat the bread of idleness. 28Her children rise up and call her blessed; Her husband also, and he praises her: 29"Many daughters have done well, But you excel them all." 30Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. 31Give her of the fruit of her hands, And let her own works praise her in the gates.

We see some beautiful and high qualities that this woman possessed. From domestic skills to parenting skills to benevolence skills, we see a woman that is fulfilled in those practices while performing those skills with excellence. These are skills that should have been seen in the home as a child but in some cases were not demonstrated. In this demonstration of qualities, the purpose is not to usurp the authority of the husband as the head of the household but to complement it. It is by the complementing of the marriage covenant that ties the marriage bonds stronger to where both the man and wife grow deeper together as one unit as they became one on their wedding day.

Even though Proverbs 31 is the most quoted Scripture for qualities of a Christian woman, I would like to explore another scripture that is often ignored, but very valuable asset to be used in the search for a Godly wife.

Please Click here for part four of this article.