What Makes You Think That You Are Not Alone

Very simple. The first thing that ensures this statement is that God clearly expressed this to me in prayer. The second thing that confirms this revelation is that the more men that I can confide in and discuss this issue, the more men who feel the same way. The third thing that makes me see confirmation is that nationally known Christian publications are addressing the new changing scope of men's issues. Steve Strangs book Old Man, New Man (scheduled to be released this fall) promises to look at manhood in ways never experienced. Also the current feature story in the April 5, 2000 online edition of Religion Today Magazine is entitled Men Shun "Feminized" Churches . Below you will see some clips from the article:

American churches are becoming feminized, and that is turning men off in droves, says the director of the National Coalition of Men's Ministries.

...In most churches, "a man can't be a man," said Daniel Erickson, executive director of the coalition, a network of leaders from 20 denominations and 55 men's ministries, including Promise Keepers.

...Eighty percent of pastors are "more in tune to their feminine side" and are artistic, creative, and musical, Erickson said, citing a study done by The Navigators. But "the problem is that 80% of men are not, so 20% of pastors who are more in tune to their male side are trying to help 80% of men."

...Church services generally are geared to women, Erickson said. Weak preaching won't impact men, but strong preaching combined with a testimony from a man "whose life was changed" can grab men's emotions and help them remember what was said, he said. "If you don't make men glad or sad, then you've done nothing."

...Men often are criticized in church, but not helped, Erickson said. Pastors point out the inadequacies of fathers, but "these men already realize they are bad fathers," he said. "Let's provide training and equipping." The average church is not relevant to men, and is "answering questions they are not asking."

...Men want to know God, Erickson said. About 97% of men believe in God, but they want a church "where they can be real men and not have to play religious games," he said.

...Men also want to be recognized as "the seat of leadership in the church," and want action rather than words, Erickson said. If church were a football game, men wouldn't want to stand around in a "holy huddle" and talk, with no action, Erickson said. "The average man wants to 'hit somebody' -- the devil."

...Men have to be challenged, Erickson said. "A guy goes to the marketplace and is challenged to run a $4 million budget, but in church we challenge him to usher."

Amazing! Here we have a men's organization that realizes that the games we played as 'mens rallies' never made it from the conference hall to the hotel room as statistics from a major hotel chain pointed out that the hotel chain (at their customer's request) unblocked more pornography channels during the weekend of Christian men's retreats than all the other days combined!! It never made it from the church to the workplace. Even worse, it never made it from the understanding in the mind to the treasures of the heart.

What is the rock in this song?

The rock in this song stands for the hardened man who has learned to "suck it up" inside and weather the storms. This man usually did not have any help to conquer his past problems and ended up having to solve these problems alone. Due to this mentality, he fears asking for help because that is seen as weakness. If he needs help and someone volunteers to help, his pride will rise up within and reject the help. The stone cold stoic demeanor is sometimes a facade covering up the scared little boy (or can I use a play on words with no pun intended "PETRIFIED {(turned to stone) from the greek word "petros" meaning "rock}" little boy) within. I find this revelation amazing. We see this little boy in a man's body petrified of intimacy, petrified of relationship, and petrified of love turn into stone devoid of emotion and character to fight the battles he can not win alone. You see, man is out of spiritual order when he allows himself to become petrified. The clay feet of man is supposed to stand on the rock of Jesus and build / wrap his foundation on the rock of Jesus. Since Christian man is the temple of the Holy Spirit as well as the church of Jesus, he has to be a living and organic being to know how to stand and maintain balance on that rock. How can an inorganic, dead, and lifeless rock once made from organic life place a foundation on Jesus, the rock that conquered death, sin, hell, and the grave? It cannot. Petrified rocks cannot fuse themselves to each other. Therefore, when the storms come, that inorganic rock will be blown off the rock of Jesus Christ. Meanwhile, the organic and living man of God who places his foundations on the Rock will find the firm foundation to base his life on that will weather the storms when they come.

There is nothing wrong with desiring to be strong and tough as a physical rock. The problem lies when the personna of the rock has gone too far to prevent people from seeing the tender and real you. When the personna of the rock goes too far to where God cannot move in the weakness that you are covering up, something is wrong.

What is the island in this song?

Many men (both Christian and non-Christian) feel "threatened" by what we see going on in society and the church today. We see people like Marilyn Manson who are proud to say that they are anti-Christian. We see America's youth admire Charles Manson, a killer who had no remorse for his actions. We see people without any since of shame confess their secret affairs or deviant sexual behavior to millions daily on the Jerry Springer show. We are shocked as the values taught to us as children are either discarded in the name of moral decadence or sold out for "personal advancement". We feel threatened as we walk into our churches and are forced to feel as if the personality traits and hobbies that distinguish us from the next man is forced to be discarded. Men like their individuality. Men like to be different from the next man. It is what thrives us to be competitive in all areas of life. It is not that the individualism itself is God. In many churches today, all men must be alike. We must all be married, have five home schooled children, vote republican, our wives (now soccer moms) equipped to conquer the world in their minivan, and show no signs of masculinity. In many cases, this is enforced in the name of "unity" when it is actually uniformity/unanimity. Men feel "cloned" and very much alike the residents of earth in these science fiction movies that have been abducted by a UFO, brainwashed by the aliens, and sent back to earth to walk in a "stiff-boarded" mentality and talk in a monotoned voice to fulfill the desires (at all costs, peacefully or criminally, of God or not of God) of the leader.

Where ambition has been replaced by illusion, conceit replaced by pride, celebration replaced by arrogance, and individuality replaced by clones, the lack of creativity and the birth of new things have been stymied to the point of men giving up. To be different is seen as either rebellion or "spiritually inferior". I, being a single man in his early thirties, am seen in some circles as a failure because I am not married. Even Christians are surprised that I am still sexually a virgin. What else should I be, a gigolo? If I do it, I am seen as a player. If I don't do it, I'm portrayed as being queer? GOD FORBID! Therefore, the mentality handed down to me is "There is something wrong with you". When in fact, there is really nothing wrong with me. I have just remained obedient since I have not found "Ms Right" yet and refused to sell out to "join the club" when you hear the "club members" themselves talk about their problems and frustrations in marriage. When I, as a single man, ask for answers to the questions I have from a married man "who's been there before", I (along with many other single men) are told that the answer to all his questions about singleness is found in the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye". One man's God-given personal ideology is now marketed and being force fed into being the corporate church theology of all singles in general. We go from dating to date to not dating at all. We answer an extreme behavior at one end of the spectrum with an extreme behavior from the opposite end of the spectrum. We have done the same thing with men's issues by going from the fleshly male extreme of some sinful behaviors to the extreme of making men act, feel, and think like women.

The "island" is that place of haven where a man can go to be different while at the same time real. It is there that he explores the hobbies and interests that relax and mentally stimulate him to creativity. It is here that he escapes the rat-race of life and the 40+ hour work week to ease his mind and refresh himself to survive the next weekly grind. Some men do woodworking, some men hunt, some men fish, some play golf, etc. I like to surf the Internet, play golf, and work on my computer. It is here that the thing that makes the man the person he is becomes life. You clearly see his likes and dislikes and see how real he really is.

There is nothing wrong with desiring to be individualistic, creative, and different from other people. Some mistake individualism for incohabitation and automatically link it to the Jezebel personality trait. The only problem is when you are so isolated to the point of the individualism where you will not nor will you allow people to build "bridges" and "ports" to import blessings to your life or you refuse to "export" qualities into the lives of others. Then the possibility exists of becoming incohabitat and the spirit of Jezebel can enter in if the door is opened.

Click Here for part three of A Rock Feels No Pain, And An Island Never Cries